My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
