In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
