all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
