Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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