She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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