i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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