i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
