I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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