i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
