watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
