i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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