I skipped work to stalk him.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
