new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
