Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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