Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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