New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You are a genius and a whore.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
