what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
