I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This is not my ceiling
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
