Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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