In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And then he peed in my hair
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
