i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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