I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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