Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
