I CAN MOONWALK!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I will be naked everywhere
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
