FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My vagina is very pro this idea
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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