I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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