My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
