If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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