it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
