Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just cropdusted the office
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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