there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
