Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
