I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You can't motorboat a personality
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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