I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
