seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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