So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
