Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
