And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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