did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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