I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
