all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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