yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
