I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
