So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
