There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
