Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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