i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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