So drunk its hurt
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
