well I can't set my house on fire every night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
