oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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