I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
