I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
