The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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