I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
