Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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