i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
